THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
