tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
