we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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