i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
