I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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