I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize