just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
