I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
