i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
