Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
