Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
