And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the day after is always just damage control
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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