This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
