Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
