the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
