mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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