my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
