This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
