it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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