my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
