Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize