Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
