There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
