im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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