as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
