You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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