everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
