If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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