Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
