I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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