i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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