is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
