What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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