I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
