I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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