sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
