Define "chronic" masturbator.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
