He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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