You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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