don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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