Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
