I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
