My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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