Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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