so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
