I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
