I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
