Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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