I hope my margaritas pass through security.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
