The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
His nipple licking is glorious
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