I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
