I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
