Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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