thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
