Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
