I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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