i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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