It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize