i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
