a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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