What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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