I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
