did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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