i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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