i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
