then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
