Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
