Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
