If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
