you guys were way drunker than both of me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize