Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
