she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
