All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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